Chronic pain and comfort food

So, yesterday was not a good day. My butt cheeks still hurt from planting garlic. Who knew that crouching that long was such a workout? The 90km/hr winds (55 m/hr US) tore up the storage tent we had put up exactly 30 hours previously. And it was cold and rainy all bleeding day!

So my hip and head were hurting as well as my butt. LOL, the minions have totally ruined me for the word butt. I can’t even say butt roast anymore without giggling like a 12 yr old.

And my spayed cat is acting like she’s in heat. Murbling and purring, wanting her butt (hee hee, butt) scratched, and offering her tummy for tickles. Do NOT tickle the tummy, it’s a trap!

Thank gods for my instant pot!  I tossed in frozen chicken, some frozen veggies and broth and an envelope of GF gravy mix.  Instant (well (40 min total) chicken stew.  Comfort food for a blustery day. I added GF dumplings but they didn’t work. They were more like spaetzle than dumplings. I shall try again! I shall not be denied my chicken and dumplings!  It was probably my fault, I didn’t time them. And science is much more important when everything is GF.

In the meantime, I’m still trying to get my store up and running. Does it work yet? Who knows? I can’t tell from this end anymore.  Between my awesome little Cannabis oil capsules that look like vitamin D, and the headache from the low-pressure system….

And tomorrow is Nano!!!!!  I need some encouraging words.

 

Nano and estores

Mechanicsville fans will be happy to know that I am writing draft 1 of book 3 (title to be determined) during Nanowrimo.  Yes, by Nov 30th I will have 50,000 words of a terrible first draft to be polished into the further adventures of Samantha, Ashley and Faraj.

So an edited version will be for sale this spring!  Yay!  And as usual, I will be running a fundraiser for literary charities through Nanowrimo.org.  Anyone who donates $20 or more can get a character or something named after them. A hero? A villain? An office building?  Your choice!

 

Also, I have been upgrading/ figuring out the estore on my website. I hope it works. I hope my SSL is added right. I hope I know what I’m doing.

And an amusing tale to send you off into the dreary, wet day…

I planted my garlic for next year, 100 cloves in nice, sorta-tidy rows.  Of course, I buried them in the dirt after the photo. Otherwise, it would have been a pretty boring shot.

The funny part is how much my bum hurt the next day. Seriously, I could hardly walk. But my back didn’t hurt at all. Not a bit. Yay for pain management.  Even today, I’m hobbling around because it hurts every time I flex my butt cheek. Do you have any idea how often you do that?  LOL

Life happens

Sometimes it happens a lot. Explodes kinda.

I recently found out I’m becoming a godmother! I’ll try to be the nice one, not the one who curses the whole castle.  No promises.  🙂

We’ve been to 2 out of 3 baby showers, being the first grandchild in both the mom and pop-to-be’s families, everybody wanted to celebrate. I made a quilt! (my computer is being a poopy-head so I can’t upload a photo of it.)

I’m also taking a local herbalism course so that if someone is unwise enough to follow the suggestions of my totally invented healer in my totally made up world, they don’t poison themselves.  Plus it’s fascinating!

And I finally got into the pain clinic at Ottawa General. This means four weeks of 830-2pm sessions. I’m usually wrecked for 3 days after being in town for 1 day. This will be interesting. The doctor in charge says that she wants to see me on a bad day. Oh you will, honey, you will. By say… Wednesday of the first week.

Plus I’m trying to write 2000 words a day over 3 stories I’m currently working on. Harder than it should be. Like pulling teeth some days. Hen’s teeth.

I’m trying to finish 2 books that I’ve promised to review/ beta read. And many other things which I am too busy to think about.

But it’s summer!  Nothing else really matters.

Repost: because it got lost in the shuffle: As Promised… Jamieson Wolf

And just in time, as my space bar has decided to only work part time. Now I need to smash it to get it to work, and have broken a nail.

The trials of being a writer, I tell you!

Without further ado, or spaces….
Giving Me the World
I used to be terrified to date. I was worried that men would judge me unworthy of their attention when I should have judged them unworthy of mine. My self-worth was so low that I equated sex with love.

Dating was made more difficult when I was stricken with Multiple Sclerosis on New Years Eve 2012. Now men not only judged my looks, they were afraid of me or they belittled me. When I was still walking with my cane, I had one man wave his hand at it saying “What’s that?”

I looked at my cane and then at him and said “It’s my cane.”

He rolled his eyes and said “Yes, but what are you doing with it?”

I remember my mouth opening up wide in wonder. When I closed it I replied: “I need it to walk.”

He scoffed. “Well, it must be nice being half a man.”

Needless to say, the date didn’t go well.

I had another man call me broken, still another who asked me why I persisted in pretending I had some disease when I could be whole and healthy if I chose to. I had one ask me how I could be so happy when I was so sick.

“Because I choose to be.” I told him.

After a string of horrible dates, I had given up on men. My dating life hadn’t been too great to start with, now it was the shits. However, just when I had given up, I met Michael.

He was an entirely different kind of man. He didn’t judge me, didn’t reprimand or make fun of me. Instead, he supported me and loved me completely.

It took a little while for me to trust him and not to run away. I wanted to run at first because he wasn’t treating me terribly. I know that sounds horrible, but anyone that has been in an abusive relationship will understand.

When Michael told me that he loved me the first time, it was as if a sun went off inside of me, filling all of me with a vibrant light. I remember standing there for a few seconds before saying “I love you too.” And the light increased.

Almost two years later, that love has grown and the light continues to grow, chasing away the shadows. We’ve travelled to different parts of the world, but more than that, Michael has helped me to travel to different parts of myself and helped me to engage with life again.

He really has given me the world and so I wrote this poem for him. Love you Michael.

You Have Given Me The World
From the moment

that we met,

my life has

been filled with

light. As our

love has continued

to grow, I’ve

changed. Now, instead

of hiding and

hoping for a

better life, I’m

living it. Instead

of wishing for

magic, I’m creating

it. Instead of

shying away from

all of life’s

pleasures, I’m embracing

them. Rather than

shy away from

anything, I’m meeting

things head on

unafraid of what

will happen. Instead

of waiting for

life to happen

to me, I’m making

my life happen.

Rather than try

to change me

into something that

you wanted me

to be, you

accepted me as

I was, as I

am, embracing all

of me and

all that I

could be. You

believe in me

even when my

belief in myself

flags or wavers.

You love even

the parts of

me that I

didn’t love and

now I see

myself in a

different light, through

a different lens.

You have changed

my life into

something so wonderful.

You have also

turned the world

from a mystery

waiting to be

solved into something

waiting to be

discovered. You’ve shown

me what true

love really is

and I’m a

better man because

of you. You’ve

given me the

world and I’m

eternally grateful for

your light. You

have given me

the world and

I can’t wait

to discover it

with you.”
1800816_10153785531875702_1536030081_n   12666512_10156420531860702_1523044_n
Web site: www.jamiesonwolf.com

Blog: www.jamiesonwolfauthor.wordpress.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/jamiesonwolf

Twitter: www.twitter.com/jamiesonwolf
Buy a copy of Dancing with the Flame here:

http://www.amazon.com/Dancing-Flame-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B01AL29MDM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454463181&sr=8-1&keywords=dancing+with+the+flame+jamieson+wolf

I could be famous!

Right now I’m reading Val McDermid’s article on her writing routine.

She gets up at 9am, starts working by 11. This is me! I get up around 830am, drag my bones out to get dressed, have a coffee, and am at the computer by 10. I then do email and blogs for a while, just like her. I also have music playing, though mostly SJ Tucker and Heather Dale for the fantasy feel. Maybe I should find some fantasy instrumentals?
Our routines are so much alike that I cannot help but become famous.  LOL  I wish.

Instead I fight my way through the pain to scrape together 1000-2000 words a day while watching others post 1000 words an hour. Of course, they’re on their 20th novel and can type. I’m not hunt and peck, but I have to be watching the keyboard.
I do research when the words won’t come and some days I’m more proud of 500 words on a bad day than I am of 2k on a good day. Some days the pain is a monster that won’t let me sleep, walk, stand or sit.
Those days, a bit of research into herbal medicines of the middle ages, or reading a how to plan better-write faster book is still work, and good for my “work-at-any-cost” protestant upbringing.
My dad worked 15 years for the Provincial government, and took not a single sick day. Not one.  Of course that was when Nyquil was the “get-some-rest-so-you-feel-better-and-can-get-back-to-work” medicine.  Now it’s “get-some-rest-so-you-feel-better-and-stay-home-and-not-give-everyone-the-plague” medicine.
It’s not the same thing with chronic pain, but the drive is the same. I feel terrible when I take a day off. I read somewhere that you should read a book on “how-to” and a couple of good novels in your genre every month.

So, I’m off to try to type my 500 words, then going in town for a baby shower gift for a dear friend, and to see my foster son in a musical.
Life is not only good, it’s amazing!

Belated Mother’s Day and other mistakes I make

Happy Mother’s Day, mom… a little late.  In my defence, I did remember on the day, and the day after, I just couldn’t get through on the phone, or you were out.  Then my jerk brain said “Great, reminded you twice. My job here is done! And I forgot.
I really should have remembered, the 14th was also her wedding anniversary, I’m a bad daughter. But we are hoping to fly her up for a visit in the fall, when I’ll have time to just enjoy her company, so I’m not terrible. Much.

In the meantime; I have a contract coming from a traditional (sorta) publisher for a cookbook. I’ll explain more once I’m allowed to talk about it.  I just received word that another short story sold, and with only one round of edits!
I’ve been in a lot of pain with the rainy month we’ve had and have just been accepted to a month-long thing at the pain clinic. It is multi-faceted, including meditation, mindfulness, exercises, stretching, physio, coping strategies, etc. No painkillers or surgeries, so… yay!

I’m also busy with trying to purge my house. I’ve reached my tolerance limit on clutter and dust-collectors. So we’re sorting and giving away things. It’s hard, but necessary for my peace of mind.
I’ve recently seen articles that show a correlation between stress, insomnia and weight gain with clutter and mess. Since we’re both trying to lose weight, dearest Hubby and I are working on emptying the house. It’s also proving to us that a lot of our treasured things deserve more space on the shelves.
Instead of a pile of Blue Mountain pottery, I want to be able to display it. Same with my weird medieval-gothic-gypsy-vampire things, they’re so cool. People should be able to see them and be impressed. Or befuddled. I’ll accept either.

I’m also making a baby quilt for a dear friend who’s expecting her first child in July. My fingers remember how to quilt! It’s much easier than I remember, maybe when this one’s done I should pull out my rainbow in shadow quilt and finish it.

So, that’s it for today, must get back to things. And tea… much more tea!

Orlando shootings, another voice

It’s been ages since I posted, I’ve been crazy busy, and the world has just gone crazy.

After my mom’s wedding a little less than a month ago, I worked a book fair, dealt with pain levels that would make a grown man sob hysterically, attended two milestone birthday parties, started a garden, had three doctor appointments, wrote a 7 page outline, adopted a stray cat, had friends over for dinner….

For most of you, that might not sound crazy busy. But I do most of it hunched over from pain, barely able to walk. I am on morphine from the pain, and some days it doesn’t even make a dent.

I got to feeling sorry for myself. I cleared 4 garden beds (well, I cleared one, my niece cleared three) and could barely move for two days. I worked at the kitchen table because it was so much closer to the coffee machine.

Then the mass shooting in Orlando put things into perspective. I live my life in pain. Some live their lives in fear. Fear of things like that slimy little turd in Orlando.

And their fear is as real as my pain, but a lot harder to fix. Morphine wouldn’t touch it on its best day.

Most of you don’t know this, but I had a foster child in the late 80’s, early 90’s. He was high school age, failing, depressed, suicidal, and GAY. Also a gorgeous person of colour.

He was being bullied so badly at school that he’d been moved from foster home to foster home because of his anger and depression. (Way to really help these kids, Asshats!)

So I got him. I adored him at first sight. By the time he aged out of the system, he was happy, creative, and had a scholarship to university. What did I do that was so incredibly different?

I accepted him.  After all, who he loves is none of my concern as long as I show him it’s safe to love. Where he puts his dick is none of my business EVER.  (Unless his partner is abusive, in which case I try to help him get the strength to leave, but that story is none of your business.)

He’s now a strong, loving, beautiful man. He supports himself, owns his own home, has a wonderful partner, acts and sings on stage, and probably still lives in fear.

It breaks my heart. And terrifies me.  My son used to go to bars all the time when he was in his 20’s. He rocked that dance floor! And any of those fun-loving people out for a few drinks could have been him.

None of them were a threat to to anybody, none of them were doing anything but enjoying a night out. I look at their eager, happy photos and cry for the loss of so many lights. So many shining ones snuffed out, into darkness.

I’ve seen a couple of people celebrating their deaths. Do that anywhere I can see you and blocked will be the nicest thing to happen to you. Excuse me while I go write an execution or something, pretending it’s one of those small-minded, foul-mouthed cretins.

unsorted photos 021

My beautiful, happy boy.

My Mom’s wedding!

So, it’s been long two weeks.  Maybe a long month, I’ve lost track.

I went to New Brunswick on May 8th to help my mom with the last preparations for her wedding, meeting her groom for the first time. Eh, he’s OK, better treat her right, I know what he looks like now.

Goldie and George 14-5-2016.jpg

 

This is the first kiss!

He seems to be a little selfish, but then again he was single for at least 10 years, he may not be used to thinking of other people. My sweetie showed him how a confident man treats women: with respect and spoiling them at the same time.  The size of your manhood is not determined by whether you ask others if they want something when you go out for coffee. Nor is it diminished by doing what she asks you to, especially if you are gluten intolerant and have IBS and she wants you to stop with the fracking donuts!

We fixed up the house, made endless cakes and bought tons of snacks and paper plates. The reception was at Mom’s house. I got to see all her brothers and sisters, some I haven’t seen in over 5 years. It was great.  So was spending time with friends in person instead of just FB messenger.

The long and short of it is that I was exhausted and out of spoons by the time we started home on the 18th. Thank Gods we got to overnight at a friend’s, the 6 hour drive that day was more than enough.

So, that was last week, the weekend included two friends birthday parties. This week was a train wreck.And it’s not over yet.

I had an appointment for an mri on tuesday, arrived at 7am to find that it was booked for 730PM! Unfortunately, all the walking to and from my non-existent appointment made me too sore to hang around for 12 hours or the real appt. Rebooked for June 20th. And time CONFIRMED.

Doctor appointment on Wednesday to followup on a problem. Calendar says 130pm, went on time. WRONG. It had been rescheduled for 9am and I was too tired to check my phone messages on Tuesday. Rebooked for next week.

Went to see dear friends for dinner, started a migraine. Frack!

Home today and my house looks like we were attacked by mad bombers while we were away. But the TV is still here, so it’s our mess. I put African chicken in the 4l crock, and hambones and water into the 15l one. Then started trying to clean up.

Ever had one of those days where you can’t do A until B is done, can’t finish B until C is done and can’t do C until A is done? Yeah, that. I want chocolate and a nap.

And the house is still a disaster.  I’m supposed to go to my writers assoc meeting tonight and pay my dues.  Sigh….